I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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