looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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