Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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