And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
