i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
