Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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