i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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