That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
