Umm I'm too high to move.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
