woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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