Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
