im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
