well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
