I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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