I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
