He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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