I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
