Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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