see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Sober January is a disaster.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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