Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
