My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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