It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we made out on top of his cat.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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