Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
