a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
