we have officially lost it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
