i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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