Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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