I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
