I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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