I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
