Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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