so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
