she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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