Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Randomize
