I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
