She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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