His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
