you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
