i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
