it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
