Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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