I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
