Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
