sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
