you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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