What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize