My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
