I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
