I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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