I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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