so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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