i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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