I'm so fucking centered right now
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
