I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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