You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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