I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
