Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
