You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
