you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
