my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
