Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
