I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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