I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
