He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
