I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
