well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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